This is a chapter from an upcoming book of advice for young men before they marry. Details about the book should be available soon.

Visit any thrift store, used book store, or (sometimes) yard sale, and you might find a copy of Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. Chapman trademarked the term, then wrote books for nearly every possible demographic. I have speculated that his publishers gave him a bonus every time he used the term “love language,” given how frequently he says it.

But enough about the annoyances. I appreciate what Chapman did with his book. He boiled down and identified some specific ways we show love to each other. His most important point, I think, is this: learn to love your wife in a way that makes her feel loved.

As men, we know what we like. We tend to think that our wife will enjoy the same thing. So, for example, if physical touch makes you feel loved, you are likely to believe that physical touch will make your wife feel loved as well. But she is different than you.

Gary Chapman hit on an important principle: you love your wife best when you find what makes her feel loved. You don’t love your wife well by loving yourself well. And when you express love in ways that make you feel loved, you are loving yourself, not her.

Continue reading “What About Those Love Languages?” →