Category: Family

Raising a Godly Seed, part 2

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Marriage

Most Christian parents believe two things about their duty as parents: first, that they ought to discipline and correct their children (i.e., spanking); second, that they ought to teach and train them. And I agree that these two things are vital to a parent’s duty. But if you limit your parenting to spanking and family devotions, you have missed the most crucial element of parenting God’s children.

God intends for parents to pass along to their children the culture of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Spanking and having devotions are good and right and Biblical, but not enough. I have witnessed many families who were absolutely and unwaveringly committed to these two things, and today, their children want nothing to do with them. If you do these things but do not intentionally establish a culture of the Lord in your home, you have not done your duty as a parent.

Sadly, we rarely discuss what it means to build a culture of the Lord, especially in our circles. Parents are far more likely to hear teaching and preaching on discipline and correction than any other element of parenting. Teaching and training sometimes take a backseat to the topic of correction. But teaching on the culture of the home is nearly non-existent, and it shows.

Continue reading “Raising a Godly Seed, part 2” →

Raising a Godly Seed, part 1

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Marriage

And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. (Malachi 2:15)

Not long before Malachi delivered his prophetic message, Ezra rebuked the people for intermarrying with pagans (Ezra 9-10). Malachi points out the same thing.

Judah hath dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah hath profaned the holiness of the LORD which he loved, and hath married the daughter of a strange god. (Malachi 2:11)

But they committed a far greater sin than intermarriage with pagan idolaters. Malachi points it out in verse 16: “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away.” The eligible bachelors of Israel had their eye on the Philistine women, which was a problem. However, according to Malachi, the married men of Israel were divorcing their wives and marrying these pagan women. That was wicked. And then, they went right on worshipping at the temple as if they had done nothing wrong. Which explains why God charged them with profaning His covenant. “Why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers?” (v. 10)

When God charged them with treachery (vv. 11 and 14), He wasn’t being petty or overly scrupulous. When the men of Israel betrayed their wives, they betrayed their covenant with God.

We can gather a few important points about marriage from Malachi’s prophetic word. First, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract is between two people – a two-way relationship. However, a covenant is a three-way relationship of responsibilities and privileges that involves God as a witness to whom the couple is permanently accountable.[1]

Second, God hates “putting away” (divorce). He especially hates what it does to women and children. Malachi describes the tears of the betrayed wives as they weep at the altar, covering the altar with their tears.

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. (Malachi 2:13)

The prophet describes these actions in terms violence.

For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. (Malachi 2:16)

And in the verse before this, the Lord protests: “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit” (Malachi 2:15). That is, “Yet had he the life-giving spirit, the creative power.” James Smith explains, “The point is that God could have made several wives for Adam.”[2] God blessed us when He made one woman for one man, and Malachi gives God’s reason for limiting a man to one wife: “that he might seek a godly seed” (v. 15).

Our culture’s disregard for marriage has been nothing but destructive to our children. This passage explains why. God designed marriage between one man and one woman for this purpose, “that he might seek a godly seed.” A man can join in the political battles over marriage, speak out against homosexual marriage, oppose the modern shack-up world of casual sex, and still miss the point of marriage. A godly marriage isn’t achieved when we have a marriage certificate that is properly certified. The point of marriage is to raise up a godly seed, as Malachi declares.

God intended for man to rule in our world by marrying a wife and having children who would help spread God’s dominion throughout the world. Husbands were made to rule, and wives were created to support them in this calling. God calls a husband and wife to build their children into profitable image-bearers and kingdom-builders. A husband and wife should set this as a primary goal in their marriage. God wants His people to aim for this, and those who worship the Lord seek, above all else, to give God what He wants.

With that in mind, let me give a few helps for parents in this mission.

First, Remember Who Builds the House

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it (Psalm 127:1)

We cannot expect to raise a godly seed on our own skill or ability. Ultimately, the work of building a home and raising up a godly seed is God’s work. He calls you – I should say privileges you – to join Him in it. But as we build good homes for our children, we must remember that this is God’s work. We rely on God, not on ourselves, our skills, our tenacity, our integrity, or any other quality we think will make us better parents than others. We stand on God’s promises, not on our performance. Don’t put confidence in your work; trust your work to God.

Trusting the Lord means we must lift our parenting before the Lord in regular prayer. We must do our work for the Lord and not for ourselves. Parents must avoid living out their dreams and unfulfilled desires – athletically, academically, or relationally – through their children. Nothing will destroy a home faster than doing it for yourself. Whatever we make into an idol will be destroyed. Our performance quickly becomes an idol when a child overperforms (causing parents to grow conceited) or underperforms (causing parents to resent).

Lift up your children before the Lord. Pray for them regularly, faithfully, and publicly. No, I don’t mean in front of the church. But in your family prayers, around the dinner table, at night before bed, make sure your children hear you lifting them up before the Lord. Pray for the things they struggle with (don’t embarrass them). Pray for the significant events coming in their life. Thank the Lord for them regularly and out loud so they can hear you.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

Several years ago, our family started a praise and thanksgiving time on Saturday evenings after dinner. We sing a hymn – I usually read a history of the hymn before we sing it – and then praise the Lord for something. Our rule for that time has been, no prayer, only thanksgiving. It is a discipline, but we thought it was a necessary discipline. In the early years, we would review the week and give thanks for everything we did that week. Some weeks, we had much to thank the Lord for. For some weeks, we struggled to remember what happened. And sometimes, we had dealt with tragedies during the week. We thanked the Lord for those as well.

After about 7-8 years of this custom, we started a rotation of things to thank the Lord for. Once a month, we thank the Lord for recent events. And once a month, we assign everyone a sibling or parent and have them give thanks for that family member. What a great spiritual exercise – teaching them to be thankful for each other! I want my kids to hear their names coming from my lips, and not only when they are in trouble. I want them to hear each other giving thanks for them. I am thankful that God gave them to us, and I want them to know that.

Second, Establish a Culture of the Lord

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

God makes a father responsible not only for the behavior of his children but especially for the culture of his home. The same Greek word rendered “bring them up” appears in Ephesians 5:29 regarding a husband’s love for his wife.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Ephesians 5:28-29)

In that verse, the word means “to provide food and to feed.” In Ephesians 6:4, the word means “to nourish up to maturity.” It encompasses the entire work of raising children – feeding their bodies, feeding their minds, feeding their souls, and nurturing them into mature adulthood. A father is responsible for everything that feeds into their children’s lives, hearts, minds, and souls. He doesn’t always have to do the feeding, but he is always responsible for the things that nourish them. That includes movies, music, reels, websites, Instagrams, video games, books, stories, people, food, academics, preaching, and every other influence.

Parents, especially fathers, are told to “nourish them up” in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The word “nurture” comes from the Greek word paideia, which Thayer defines as “the whole training and education of children which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose, now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment.”[3]

The word covers a lot of ground. It includes instruction and discipline, correction and punishment. To the Greek mind, paideia referred to the education and enculturation of the child, all the education necessary to raise up a good citizen of Greece. A Greek child was considered educated when cultural traditions were passed down so that the child was prepared to take his place in the culture. Education meant he was encultured.

Paul takes this Greek ideal and applies it to the Christian home. Rather than train them in the ways of Greek culture (something Paul doesn’t discuss here), parents are commanded to nourish their children in the culture of the Lord. They are your children, yet in a larger sense, they belong to God. He has entrusted us with raising them for Him. How does the King want His children raised?

Any king wants the traditions and customs of his cultural heritage passed down to his children, who will someday have charge of the kingdom. In a future installment, we will consider the elements of a culture to show what a Christian culture is and urge parents to build one for their children. In the meantime, may God bless you as you build and bless your family.

[1] Hugenberger, G. P. (1994). Malachi. In D. A. Carson, R. T. France, J. A. Motyer, & G. J. Wenham (Eds.), New Bible commentary: 21st century edition (4th ed., p. 886). Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press.

[2] Smith, J. E. (1994). The Minor Prophets (p. 639). Joplin, MO: College Press.

[3]Wuest, Kenneth S.: Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament : For the English Reader. Grand Rapids : Eerdmans, 1997, c1984, S. Eph 6:4

Continue reading “Raising a Godly Seed, part 1” →

A Christ-Honoring Marriage, part 2

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Marriage

Recently, a handful of preachers have pointed out our generations-old custom of hammering the men from the pulpit while giving the ladies a pass. Nancy Pearcey has done tremendous work explaining the history of this hostility towards masculinity. If you haven’t read Total Truth, I highly recommend it.

To give the cliff notes version of her history (a small part of this great book), the Industrial Revolution pulled men out of their homes and away from their families for most of the day, leaving mothers home to raise the kids. Pastors soon realized that mothers were overburdened with housekeeping and child-rearing and began directing their sermons at the wives to provide spiritual encouragement. The combination of a growing detachment on the part of husbands and fathers and an increasingly woman-focused pulpit ministry caused men to resent what they were hearing at church. Eventually, the men checked out altogether. Pastors gratuitously targeted these detached men as they catered to the women.

Thus, we have developed a 150-year habit of hammering the men annually on Father’s Day while gushing over the Moms on Mother’s Day. I’ve done it for most of my pastoral ministry (to my great shame). But I no longer believe this is Biblical. A Biblical pastor evenly hands out the rebukes and encouragements, not based on sentiment, cultural angst, or the congregation’s felt needs, but on the text’s meaning.

Continue reading “A Christ-Honoring Marriage, part 2” →

A Christ-Honoring Marriage, part 1

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Marriage

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32)

This might be one of the more unpopular passages in Scripture. No doubt it was unpopular on the day it was written, though for very different reasons. Our generation thinks it treats women as subservient. Paul’s generation might have objected that it treated women as if they mattered. In our day, the notion that a woman should submit to her husband is repulsive. In Paul’s day, the thought that a husband should love his wife was revolting.

The Greeks set up temples where brothels formed the central part of worship. Paul taught that women were to be loved and cherished and that husbands were to be devoted and faithful. No doubt, the Greek mind found such instruction abominable. Paul insults our generation by teaching that women are to submit to their husbands and respect them. In fact, the 33rd verse uses the word “reverence.” But in Paul’s generation and ours, the world and the culture line up on the wrong side of the issue.

Besides its unpopularity, Ephesians 5 might be one of the most disregarded passages in Scripture, a fact that is on display in the all-too-common train wreck of the modern family. Speaking of which, Americans binge-watched the very popular TV show with that name for a little over a decade. The kind of “families” that provided the backdrop for this mockumentary depicted many families of our day, the full spectrum of committed, blended, non-traditional, perverse, broken, and dysfunctional.

Continue reading “A Christ-Honoring Marriage, part 1” →

What are Families For? (part 2)

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Gospel Conversations, Marriage

God has a two-fold task for families: have children and rule the world. God blessed families with this task, as Genesis 1:28 reminds us:

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

God repeated this blessing quite often in the Old Testament. After the Flood, God repeated it to Noah and his seed.

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. (Genesis 9:1, 7)

When Isaac blessed Jacob, he rehearsed this blessing.

And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people; (Genesis 28:3)

When God changed Jacob’s name to Israel, he reiterated this blessing.

And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins; (Genesis 35:11)

Having children is central to this blessing, but not for sentimental reasons only. The blessing of children was also God’s plan for subduing the earth. After the Fall, God raised a godly seed with which He intended to fill the whole earth. Through that godly seed, God meant to bring the world into captivity to Himself. We see the potential on a small scale during Israel’s sojourn in Egypt. Take note of this curious statement about Israel’s sojourning in Egypt:

Continue reading “What are Families For? (part 2)” →

What Are Families For? (part 1)

On By Dave MallinakIn Family, Marriage

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (Genesis 1:26-28)

Why do we have families? The unbelieving world answers the question naturalistically. They claim that the family is a social construct – some say an archaic social construct. Children need nurture, care, and support, much like primates, and the family can provide that.

But then, so can the government. Some argue that the government would do better at it. Certified experts raising children would avoid the abuse and neglect that often comes at the hands of parents. The world, in rebellion against God, has decided that the nuclear family – one father, one mother raising children together – is no longer needed. Humanity evolves, and evolution adds malleability, so a family could consist of two fathers or two mothers. Science works tirelessly to enable two hens and no rooster to hatch chicks.

The conservative response to gay mirage has been entirely inadequate. Many have countered the secularist utopia by arguing that “every child deserves a father and a mother.” We feel safe arguing this way against a hostile world. But this sort of answer is unsatisfactory at the acceptable end and at the unacceptable, entirely deceptive. Any answer that ignores Jesus or that marginalizes Him is self-defeating. Either God made the world, or He didn’t. Either God’s Word governs our world, or it doesn’t. There is no middle ground, no fence to straddle on this question. 

God created the family; man did not. So, when we try to define the purpose of the family, we must look to God’s Word for the answer. We cannot understand something as essential as the family apart from God’s design purpose. The Bible’s first book gives us the family’s genesis and describes God’s design purpose.

Our cultural dysfunction comes from a wrong view of the family. When we define our purpose in light of God’s Word and seek to center our family on God’s purpose, we will bring all things back into alignment under God’s authority. In pursuing this worthy goal, I want to show you God’s purpose for the family and how this goal can be accomplished.

God’s purpose for the family

Immediately after God created man, He created the family. God didn’t give Adam time to enjoy his “bachelor years” first. When God made Adam, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” And when God pointed out what was not good, He immediately created the solution.

God made Eve out of Adam, woman out of man. But God did not make Adam alone over here, and Eve alone over there, and then watch to see how long it would take for them to notice each other. He didn’t build a movie theater and an ice cream shop and say, “Have fun dating.” When God made Eve, He brought her to the man and made them husband and wife.

Continue reading “What Are Families For? (part 1)” →