This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32)

This might be one of the more unpopular passages in Scripture. No doubt it was unpopular on the day it was written, though for very different reasons. Our generation thinks it treats women as subservient. Paul’s generation might have objected that it treated women as if they mattered. In our day, the notion that a woman should submit to her husband is repulsive. In Paul’s day, the thought that a husband should love his wife was revolting.

The Greeks set up temples where brothels formed the central part of worship. Paul taught that women were to be loved and cherished and that husbands were to be devoted and faithful. No doubt, the Greek mind found such instruction abominable. Paul insults our generation by teaching that women are to submit to their husbands and respect them. In fact, the 33^rd verse uses the word “reverence.” But in Paul’s generation and ours, the world and the culture line up on the wrong side of the issue.

Besides its unpopularity, Ephesians 5 might be one of the most disregarded passages in Scripture, a fact that is on display in the all-too-common train wreck of the modern family. Speaking of which, Americans binge-watched the very popular TV show with that name for a little over a decade. The kind of “families” that provided the backdrop for this mockumentary depicted many families of our day, the full spectrum of committed, blended, non-traditional, perverse, broken, and dysfunctional.

No doubt we could speak against any number of things promoted in the show. But I would argue that the show doesn’t promote so much as it reflects our modern families, allowing us a few minutes a week to laugh at our pain. Dysfunctional is the new norm, which begs the question: is it dysfunctional if it is normal?

Rather than repent and reform our marriages, our culture embraces and celebrates the dysfunction. Powdered sugar can’t sweeten a dung heap, and no amount of celebration can glue together the shattered ruins of broken homes and families. The toll of our rebellion is quite high.

An Ax to the Root

So, we should start at the root of the problem: our homes and families are out of sorts because we are out of sorts with God. Our culture resents God’s Word, especially in Ephesians 5, because we reject God’s authority in our lives. Our innate rebellion against God’s authority now lives as a squatter in our homes – even Christian homes.

If God told wives to love their husbands, they wouldn’t resent it. If God told husbands to reverence their wives, they wouldn’t resent that. Quite often, we already do those things! But God tells wives to reverence their husbands and husbands to love their wives. And because we’re sinners, wives naturally resent the leadership of their husbands, and husbands naturally defer to their wives. Men are very prone to passive headship. They function as the default head, but in practice, they are more of a figurehead. And wives wrestle for control in their marriages, even as they long for their husbands to lead them with love.

God tells husbands to love their wives, and husbands resent that. Not openly, of course, because that wouldn’t make any sense. But inwardly, which is why the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). Sometimes men are more inclined to resent their wives than to love them. Why? I’m sure with thought, we could list a host of reasons. Some men are intimidated by their wives; some feel inferior. Men know they should be leading, but our wives don’t always make it easy. Sometimes, they make it hard.

And wives can get in the way of a man loving himself and living a self-absorbed life. Men are famous lovers of their own selves. We have a legendary ability to meet our own needs and look out for Number One. But when we get home, there she is again, reminding us that the kitchen faucet still needs repairing, and where have you been all night, and could you put the phone down and talk to me? Women sin against these commands by their natural inclination toward rebellion. Men sin against them by their natural inclination towards passivity and self-centeredness.

Marital problems are resolved when we embrace God’s commandments. A Christ-honoring marriage is a marriage in which husband and wife together seek to accomplish God’s purpose for their marriage, as each fulfills their role according to God’s instructions. Let’s break that down.

God created marriage as the primary way a man exercises dominion in our world. By bringing children into the world and raising them to serve God in their generation, God intends to bring the whole world under His authority. But this can only be accomplished when men and women make a serious effort to follow God’s instructions in their marriage.

God made men to rule in this world. Thus, wives are commanded to follow their husband’s lead and to support him in his work. God made wives to help their husbands rule in this world. Thus, husbands are commanded to love their wives by setting the agenda for the family and seeing that this agenda is followed. With this in mind, I want to draw your attention to the picture of marriage presented in Ephesians 5; then, I have a few points on the practice of marriage; finally, I intend to show the challenge of marriage. We’ll cover the first of these now and the other two later.

Marriage as a Picture

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32)

I can’t explain how our marriages picture Christ and the church. But I know they do. I can’t explain why God would choose such a messy thing as our marriages to picture His relationship with His people. But I know He has chosen marriage as the reference point – the one earthly relationship that best explains that heavenly relationship. Maybe that’s why Satan attacks our marriages so viciously.

Our marriages speak of Christ and the church. We need to understand this before we go any further. And you must be concerned that your marriage does not bear false witness against your Savior. Our Lord Jesus Christ is establishing His kingdom in this world, and the church is His helper in this work. Our marriages ought to follow this pattern of helpful companionship, as husbands set out to rule in this world, and wives support them and encourage them in this work.

How do we honor God in our marriages? Before I answer that, I’ll remind you that honoring God in our marriage is more important than anything else we ever do. It is more important than having dinner ready, taking out the trash, paying the bills, or spending time together. But then again, if we honor God in our marriage, we will have dinner ready, take out the trash, pay the bills, and spend time together.

But how do we honor God in our marriage? When a marriage paints a faithful picture of Christ and His church, it honors Christ. Everything said here about husbands and wives in their relationship with each other has some kind of mystical parallel to the relationship between Christ and the church. We cannot describe or explain all the parallels – the Bible does call it a “mystery.” But we can confidently insist that our marriages speak of Christ and the church. This ought to double the concern we feel for our marriages. We should be concerned for our marriage. We must give careful heed to the testimony we bear and the truth we tell about Christ and the church.

So, before we go any further, consider what your marriage says about Christ. If repentance is needed, make things right with God and your spouse. If you shudder to think that people (including your children) are taking notes on your marriage to better understand Christ and His church, you might need to repent. Screaming, fighting, passive-aggressiveness, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, malice, bitterness, obstinance, a wandering eye, a scrolling thumb, laziness, discontent, and a host of other sins all paint a picture of Christ as fake as a trolling anon. A caricature doesn’t do justice to Christ and His church.

Before we dig into the subject any further, we ought to repent of the unfaithful picture we have drawn and take steps to align our marriage more with the standard God has provided.