A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

I heard a pastor make a silly claim some years ago. He said the husband might be the head, but the wife is the neck that turns the head.

Not only is this a craven admission on his part, but it also shows a terrible misunderstanding of the role of husband and wife. The husband needs to have a strong neck and shoulders. He bears the weight of a heavy crown, and the crown he bears is no light thing.

The Bible describes the crown that David put on his head when he conquered the Ammonites.

And David gathered all the people together, and went to Rabbah, and fought against it, and took it. And he took their king’s crown from off his head, the weight whereof was a talent of gold with the precious stones: and it was set on David’s head. (2 Samuel 12:29-30)

This conquest wasn’t a menial thing; it wasn’t light work. David had the sort of neck and shoulders that could bear such a crown. I want you to think of your marriage this way. Your wife isn’t your neck to turn your head. She is the crown for the top of your head.

The Bible means to say that she is your glory. Her virtue is to your credit. A crown on the head symbolizes power, and the virtuous wife increases your power, elevates your status, and establishes your authority. You couldn’t be happier if you had a throne to rule from. But here’s where you’ll need a strong neck and shoulders. Such a crown is weighty; you’ll need strength to bear this weight of glory.

This is the case because of the kind of woman who is a crown to her husband. Notice what the proverb (above) says. The virtuous woman, as opposed to “she that maketh ashamed,” is a crown to her husband. A virtuous woman isn’t the same as a glamor girl or a Stepford wife. I don’t find a lot of virtue in polished fingernails and well-set hair (not that I think there’s something ungodly about these). But the way the Bible describes the virtuous woman isn’t that she is high maintenance or spends a lot of money on cosmetics. Many virtuous women didn’t go to finishing school.

A virtuous woman is a strong woman. In fact, “virtuous” literally means “strong.” Proverbs 31 describes her this way.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. (17)

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. (19)

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (25)

She isn’t weak and prissy, afraid of callouses or sunspots. Between you and me, this is one of the things I find so attractive about my wife. She is like a manufacturing plant with humming machines and high productivity. And I’m always shocked at how clean the workspaces are. I’d go crazy if my wife sat around watching TV or spent all day posting on Facebook like a pastor nursing a secret sorrow. My wife works hard all day cooking, doing laundry, raising chickens, tending the garden, and cleaning the house. She keeps the home fires burning.

A virtuous woman comes equipped with a backbone as a standard feature. She won’t be enamored with you or sit around with stars in her eyes, counting just how lucky she is to be married to such a man as you. She isn’t a delicate wallflower. She isn’t a pushover. She’ll challenge you sometimes and will be happy to submit if you are a man. Her strength and beauty go all over the place, and she has strength in everything she does: strength of character, moral strength, physical strength, and endurance. She carries the baby, scrubs the kitchen, carries the wash, digs up the garden, and paddles the kids. She is a counselor, comforter, guide, guardian, cook, cleaner, and manager.

A virtuous woman is a wealthy woman. She is a saver, not a shopper. She is an asset to the family budget.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. (Proverbs 31:13-14, 16, 18, 24)

A virtuous woman is a capable woman. She is intelligent, accomplished, proficient, skilled, competent, and capable. I stand amazed at all my wife accomplishes on any given day. Our kids struggled with school, almost without exception. Their mom was like a house afire, doing flashcards, listening to them read, helping them memorize their catechisms and Bible verses, preparing them for competitions, and working on their art projects. People would say, and this is no exaggeration, that they could recognize her kid’s art projects because they were always well done. She did all this in the few hours after school and still had dinner on the table and the kids in bed on time.

A virtuous woman is noble. She carries herself with dignity. She isn’t a silly woman. She isn’t self-absorbed. She isn’t a diva. She is gracious, impressive, honorable, and dignified – a true lady. She is a moral woman.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (11-12)

And all of this demonstrates the weight of this crown you are called to wear. David’s crown was heavy – I doubt he kept it on his head for long. I’ve seen estimates that put his crown at somewhere around 75 pounds. Some pencil-necked eunuchs that go about as men nowadays would be crushed under such a weight.

But your crown is heavier than his. Be strong then, and wear the weight of glory well.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:23, 28, 31)