And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. (Genesis 3:7)

Genesis tells us the beginnings of everything in our world, including our problems. And relationship problems are a prominent feature of our history, culture, and life. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. Maybe they thought they would die if they ate it, or maybe Adam thought Eve would die. Maybe Adam thought it was safe when she didn’t die, so he ate it. Then, the wheels started coming off.

The Bible describes three immediate results when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, all connected. First, their eyes were opened. Notice that the verse says, “the eyes of them both” were opened. They were told this would happen, by the way, and they seemed to want that. Remember what the serpent told them?

For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. (Genesis 3:5)

They wanted to know what God had not yet revealed, and they wanted to know it independently of God. Though it doesn’t fit our discussion, we can profit from charting the relationship between the Fall and an autonomous pursuit of knowledge. But the point is that Satan didn’t lie about the result of eating the fruit. Their eyes were opened, and apparently, they knew something more about good and evil than they knew in their state of innocence.

But notice the second immediate result when they ate the forbidden fruit: they knew that they were naked. We assume (based on the third result) that they were ashamed of this nakedness because the Bible says that they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons. The Bible doesn’t say anything about shame in Genesis 3, but the Bible often associates shame with nakedness, and their response is consistent with shame. Adam later confessed that he was afraid because he was naked (Genesis 3:10). We can assume that when their eyes were opened, Adam and Eve learned embarrassing things about themselves that made them want to hide from each other. Later, they hid from God, too. But the fig leaf aprons were to protect themselves from each other.

This shame and embarrassment proved to be a destructive force in their relationship, a pattern that has repeated itself in countless relationships since. As Richard Philips astutely observes,

The free intimacy of their love relationship was polluted by sin and “became something unpleasant and filled with shame.” (p. 94, quoting Victor P. Hamilton, The Book of Genesis – see footnote).

Before my wedding, my grandmother told me, “You don’t really know someone until you sleep with them.” We lose our shame about certain things once we marry. Intimacy involves nudity, and if you have a righteous sex life, you will enjoy being naked with your wife. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4)

Honestly, I see no reason why Adam and Eve would be ashamed of their nakedness in the Garden. No doubt, they had enjoyed intimacy. It wouldn’t be sinful for Adam and Eve to run naked through the Garden. They didn’t need to worry about modesty when they were the only two people in the world. In my experience, nakedness is quite pleasurable between a husband and wife. So, why would they be ashamed? Why did they hide from each other?

I have to think that sin introduced lust into the world, which always perverts and corrupts us. This lust must have caused them to think about things that made them ashamed, and as they were unaccustomed to these kinds of perverse thoughts, they especially didn’t want their partner to know what they were thinking about. Their reaction – the fig leaves – suggests that they were afraid those shameful desires and attitudes (whatever they might have been) were also evident to each other. In other words, it wasn’t the mere fact that they were naked that gave them the desire to hide. It was that they felt naked, felt exposed to each other.

This is how we live today. With our hearts and minds corrupted by sin, it is difficult to let anyone really know us, including (and sometimes especially) those closest to us. Moreover, our self-protective stratagems are often as pathetically ineffective as that of our first parents. No variation of hiding behind fig leaves can ever really make a difference. (Philips, 94)

I was talking to a couple once and observed that the husband seemed to have a big picture window in his soul with no curtains, blinds, or anything – everything laid bare. But the wife, I noticed, seemed to have boarded up the picture window of her soul, bricked it over, and moved a few bookshelves in front of it.

Some people live life out loud, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also hide certain things about themselves. In fact, everyone has a favored set of go-to self-preservation devices they use to insulate themselves against relationship troubles. Some avoid social interaction. Some brag a lot. Some tell lies, inflate, or exaggerate. Some fear rejection, some harbor terrible secrets, and some conceal their inadequacies with bravado.

I don’t argue for total transparency in every relationship, nor do I say that you should express to your wife every thought that ever flits through your mind. But you do need to beware of the fig leaves in your relationship. Strive to know and be known by your wife.

But that means you can’t hide certain things from her. I’ll come to the most difficult of those things in a bit. Much damage is done to a relationship when a husband doesn’t tell his wife what he should. Colossians tells us,

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

This indicates that husbands might harbor irritations and annoyances against their wives, which fester and grow into resentments and bitterness. Wives speak too quickly and freely when something bothers them. They aren’t always shy about pointing out annoying faults. Husbands tend to hold it in until it erupts or, to avoid conflict, say nothing. If you have a problem with something your wife is doing, you need to address it. Address it meekly and gently, but don’t hide behind a desire to keep the peace or be patient and longsuffering, or because you fear she won’t respond well to your correction. Deal with problems.
You might also be tempted to sew fig leaves to hide your own failures from your wife. Men want to feel like they can meet every need in the family. Sometimes, men will spend money they don’t have so that they can feel like they are a mighty provider. This can lead to heavy credit card debt and financial problems. Never use your credit cards as fig leaves to hide your limited funds. Discuss your finances openly, and be clear when you don’t have the money to do something.

One more thing: you might be tempted to sew together some fig leaf aprons if you struggle with lust towards other women. The fig leaves will almost grow on you unless you learn to be open about these things with your wife. This is a treacherous area and must be handled with care. If you tell your wife that you struggle with lust and then name a particular woman, your wife will want to scratch that woman’s eyes out. If that woman is a friend, she won’t be a friend anymore. Once you say that, plan for that friendship to end.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell your wife if you struggle with a particular woman. If the woman is flirtatious or provocative and seems to target you, distance yourself from her and tell your wife what is happening. But you should never ever ever ever tell your wife if you think a woman is prettier than her or superior in some way. Don’t compare your wife to other women. Period. And especially, never make those comparisons out loud.

If you entertain lustful thoughts in a way that causes you to be aroused, you should discuss that with your wife. In general, you need to learn how to discuss discreetly what you struggle with, what tempts you, and if you struggle with temptation. But even in this, you must be cautious. If you say these things the wrong way, your wife will feel like it is her fault, as if there is some inadequacy in her.

Here’s my advice to you. Speak in generalities, not specifics. Let your wife know if you are struggling with lustful thoughts. If you fall into sin, you must tell her, making a full confession. But in general, you should be telling her when you are struggling without laying bare exactly what you have been thinking about.
One more thing. Develop a pattern of repentance, confession, and forgiveness between you and your wife. Establish this habit from the start of your marriage, and be sure to follow through with it.

He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)